It's fat as heck, it is a duck....banish Bluey, choose Charlie
Does this look like a fine elegant swan to you? Well, that's what it's supposed to be. This is 'Bluey', the club's obligatory daft mascot which waddles round the ground before matches - sometimes accompanied by spotty youth players lobbing all the Mars bars they can stop Bluey from eating into the crowd, and people dressed up as bits of film to advertise the obligatory local cak multiplex cinema.
This provides all visiting fans with an open invitation to have a good laugh at us. Who can blame them - it's probably even more embarrassing than that stupid hornet thing at Watford.
A stupid fat duck A fine elegant swan
The idea stems from the swan being the emblem of the club and the town. However we're called the Chairboys not the Swans, those are a bunch of mad people from Wales who come and smash up your pubs and cause landlords to ban away fans. The Electric Chairboys are not at all pleased with Bluey, and we think it should go back in the river, preferably in a sack with a few bricks.
In yer dreams, gutbucket
We need a mascot that reflects the town's long history of furniture making and the club's origins among furniture workers - and preferably one that looks a bit like what it's supposed to be. So, what about CHARLIE THE CHAIR? Charlie would fit in with the club's traditions, and if we were very clever we could put him on wheels so the poor sod inside doesn't get so knackered. Or perhaps he could be remote controlled....
Give us a song
Most teams run onto the pitch to a bit of music these days, unfortunately it's usually some dross like Tina Turner or Queen or that godawful boxing song. Some, like Wolves with their Liquidator, actually have a decent and uplifting song.
So why haven't we got one? Admittedly silence is better than a lot of stuff that's popular in footy circles, and if it was left to the players we'd end up with M People or Guns and Roses. So here are our suggestions:
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